Practical Self-Care Tips During The Holidays

Though the holidays may often be welcomed in with initial general feelings of excitement, anticipation, and warm and fuzzy feelings; for many, the holidays may also come with the uneasy buzz of stress, dread, overwhelm, grief, comparison, loneliness, social anxiety, obligation, responsibility, among other uncomfortable emotional responses. Being intentional to tend to and care for yourself is important all year round, but it can be particularly vital during more emotionally heightened seasons such as the holidays.

The phrase self-care has become a sort of buzz word in today’s world. If we want to have any chance at doing self-care well, we first must define and understand what it means and, maybe more importantly, what it doesn’t mean. Modern day self-care seems to be understood as this mentality of ‘treat yo’self’. While fun to say, this is problematic because it positions self-care to be some sort of occasional treat, splurge, or spoiling of the self - only to be pursued as replenishment once we’re already in pretty rough shape emotionally. True genuine self-care is not reactive, but proactive. It is not some extravagant thing that one must earn such as a trip to the spa, a massage, or a budget-less shopping spree to cope with feelings of stress. Self-care is a more consistent care and consideration extended toward the self, which can usually look like very basic actions to maintain your overall wellbeing. It is meant to be a rhythm built into the fabric of your day-to-day living that helps to keep you healthy and whole and guards you from getting run down or burnt out. When you look at self-care in that light, it not only becomes much more accessible to everyone, but a requirement for all of us.  

Let’s explore some general holiday self-care tips as you navigate the ins, outs, ups, downs and any other turn arounds this holiday season may bring.

1. Know the difference between healthy stress versus unhealthy stress.

Yes, you read that right – there is such a thing as healthy stress! Humans are not fragile. We are designed with brains and bodies that are equipped to handle certain types and levels of everyday stress and handle it well at that (including many of the stressors of holiday season). That is what builds resilience within us. A normal level of stress is good and even healthy for us - it’s called eustress and it’s typically motivating and energizing though still experienced as stress. However, we are not indestructible either. Know your cues that indicate you may be teetering more toward unhealthy stress – called distress or anxiety – which typically feels more overwhelming, draining, and with longer duration. This awareness is one of the first steps of caring well for yourself.

2. Add a little ‘sense’ to those mundane daily living tasks.

You don’t need to recreate the wheel or go out of your way to engage in self-care. Go with what you’ve already got established and make small changes to add a bit of your own needed flavor or flare. A simple and practical way to do this is to introduce mindfulness into regular daily living tasks. Examples include mindfulness showers, mindfulness walks, mindfulness meals, you name it! Mindfulness draws upon our five senses (sight, smell, taste, touch, and sound) and really grounds us into a moment in time. It helps us to slow down, anchor in, and really absorb and be alive to what we are experiencing. Pick something that you do every day (such as brushing your teeth) and just try doing it… mindfully. When we live always in a rush or in avoidance, we communicate to ourselves the message that our life is something that needs to be rushed through or avoided. When we shift to a more mindful way of moving, we change that narrative to one where even the most mundane (and even undesirable) moments in our life are worth relishing and being fully present in with ourselves.

3. Listen to your body.

This one can throw people off when they hear it, I get it. Hear me out, though. Our bodies are very wise. And your body speaks to you all the time, communicating vitally important messages about your state of being and how you’re doing from moment to moment. Your nervous system ebbs and flows between three primary states of arousal:

Hyper-arousal (overactive)

• often associated with feelings of anxiety, frustration, rage, panic

• indicators include increased heartbeat and blood pressure, quickened breathing, feeling warm or sweaty, jitteriness, restlessness, irritability and defensiveness

Hypo-arousal (underactive)

• often associated with feelings of depression, shame, hopelessness, numbness, shut down

• indicators include slower or more shallow breathing, lethargy, low motivation, slow or difficulty body movements, little to no desire to connect with others

Optimal state of arousal

• often associated with feelings of calm, safety, and connectedness

• indicators include regular breathing, lowered defensiveness, openness to others, increased ability to learn and to be curious and compassionate

The more willing you are to attune to your body and its signals to you, the more equipped you’ll be to meet yourself where you are in any given emotional state and work to bring your nervous system back into a state of calm. For a hyper-aroused nervous system, consider taking a warm bath, snuggling up in a weighted blanket, sipping a warm cup of your favorite cozy drink, getting a workout in to move some of that energy through your body, or any other self-soothing activity. For a hypo-aroused nervous system, you might do some slow gentle stretches, bundle up and step outside for some cool air, massage a scented lotion into your skin, call a friend or family member just to chat with, or try other activities to wake up your senses.

4. Gratitude, gratitude, gratitude.

I say it three times because this one is so important! This is another one of those buzz words that I fear has perhaps gotten tossed around so frequently and flippantly that it’s lost its meaning. Many eyes gloss right over this concept these days because we’ve exhausted the word; but friends, do not gloss over this one. There is so much good research out there that proves again and again the restorative and even healing effects that gratitude has on our brains. Not only does it activate our reward pathway in our brain and release feel-good neurochemicals, but, when done with genuine intention, it can help disrupt an overactive stress response, enhance emotional regulation, support the immune system’s functioning, and reduce mental/emotional pain among many other benefits. You might consider pausing to reflect and jot down 3-5 things within a personal journal at the beginning or ending of every day – be as specific as you can be. You might try to express gratitude and feelings of appreciation to those around you and notice what that feels like within yourself. If you really want to challenge yourself, you might even search for what you can be grateful for in spite of or because of unpleasant situations or stressors in your life, not to dismiss the bad but to expose the good.

 You might consider pausing to reflect and jot down 3-5 things within a personal journal at the beginning or ending of every day, be as specific as you can be!

5. Befriend yourself.

Practice self-compassion. If you find that you may have over-indulged in any part of your holiday festivities, meet yourself gently as you would a friend. Get really curious and figure out what you might like to do differently the next time to be more caring toward yourself. Some people find it really helpful to set a daily timer or reminder to notify them once every day to check in with themselves the way a friend might check in on a friend. You might ask yourself “How am I feeling right now?”, “What am I needing right now?”, “What is my intention for today?”. Then, don’t forget to actually listen for your own response(s) and reflections. This type of self-care builds equity and trust within the relationship you have with you. That sort of internal support is crucial when navigating any part of life, but especially the holidays.  

6. Give yourself permission to be radically honest.

Many people can experience a type of pressure to experience the holidays in a certain way which can rob those individuals of being able to connect with the season in a meaningful way altogether. Be honest with yourself about where you’re at with the holidays this year and all that comes with the holidays. Give yourself permission to define or redefine the holidays for yourself and your family based on your own values, beliefs, personal capacity, current life circumstances, and needs. Set realistic expectations for yourself and those around you. When you strengthen that muscle of honesty and authenticity with yourself, you strengthen your ability to show up honestly and authentically with others. This ability toward radical honesty breeds relational intimacy with self and others and, believe it or not, the simple act of being honest fosters the release of more feel-good neurochemicals.

7. Go play!

A good note to end on may be this – a ‘fun’ fact (pun intended) that you may not be aware of is that there are multiple well-founded psychology models/theories that recognize the concept of fun or play as a legitimate and fundamental human need. Not a preference or a luxury, but a need; and no, not just for children. Sometimes, the busy-ness, endless to-do’s, and plethora of wanted or unwanted reunions with family can cause us to take the holidays too seriously. Play disarms fear (i.e., our stress response) and fosters freedom and connectedness. So, perhaps one of the greatest kindnesses you can offer to yourself and to those around you as you navigate this holiday season is to be intentional to pursue play and fun. This is a profound and – well, fun! – way of caring for yourself.  

“Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, He said to them, “Come with Me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” Mark 6:31 

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Hannah Lemmon

About the Author

Hannah Lemmon

M.A. Ed, LPC

Encompass Therapist

Hannah Lemmon holds a Master of Clinical Mental Health Counseling degree from Malone University and is a trauma-informed Licensed Professional Counselor. Hannah is passionate about the integration of faith-based components into therapeutic treatment as it helps to facilitate sustainable health and healing within the mental, emotional, physical, relational, and spiritual elements of her clients' lives. She uses an integrative and attachment-focused approach to meet the unique needs of individuals of all ages and backgrounds.

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References:

Lembke, A. (2021). Dopamine Nation: Finding balance in the age of indulgence. Penguin Random House, LLC.

Missimer, A. (2020, March 22). How to Map Your Own Nervous System: The polyvagal theory. The Movement Paradigm: Whole body wellness through integrative and root cause medicine. How to Map Your Own Nervous System: The Polyvagal Theory - The Movement Paradigm

Schwartz, A. (2016). The Complex PTSD Workbook: A mind-body approach to regaining emotional control & becoming whole. Althea Press.