Should I Get Counseling?
- 7 hours ago
- 4 min read
“Everyone keeps telling me I need to go to counseling, but I’m not sure how it would actually help me right now…I already know what’s wrong, and I don’t know that anyone could tell me anything that could make it better.”
Awhile back, my friend reached out to me because she knew I was a therapist, and she needed someone to talk her either in or out of going to the intake appointment she had scheduled. I could sense the nervousness she had over the idea of opening up about something painful she had experienced in her own life, and the way it was continuing to impact her and her family.
My friend’s hesitation towards counseling is common; she, being one of the most efficient people I know, had to make sure that she wasn’t about to waste an hour of her week. I was grateful that she had given me permission to clarify some things about going to counseling that I wish I could help more people understand.
“Have you ever thought that maybe, therapy isn’t about trying to fix you or your situation, and instead it’s about giving you the space to talk freely about the thoughts and feelings connected to what you are going through?” I asked.
My friend, living in a small, “everyone knows everyone” community, thought about this. She couldn’t speak freely to nearly anyone in her life without someone having an opinion or nosily pressing her for more details. “You know, it does seem like when I talk to other people about what’s going on, it is usually not helpful. A lot of people try to relate their experience to what I’m going through, even though I can tell they don’t understand at all. Or they just let me vent and then I just feel worse.”
“When you go to counseling, you are creating space to process what you are going through and how it is affecting you. A therapist isn’t someone who is going to try to tell you what to do, but they will ask questions. When you allow someone into your life who is specifically trained in counseling, they will often help you see the patterns of thinking you’ve adapted based on the experiences you have had in your life. They will ask you to think and reflect. They help you peel back the layers that have built up over time from trauma, unhealthy relationships, negative thinking, and the stress of life that is getting in the way of you feeling like yourself.”
These were a few of the things that we discussed; the need to have someone unbiased and outside of the situation to talk to; someone to help see the patterns; and someone to come alongside you on the journey of feeling like yourself again. There are, of course, other factors to consider in deciding whether counseling is right for the season. Some questions to ask yourself include: how much of your life is being consumed by your situation or your symptoms (i.e., feeling anxious or worried, struggling with focus or motivation, feeling like you don’t enjoy things that you used to, to name a few)? Many symptoms of mental illness are, to some extent, things that most people go through at some point or another. Many people have anxious thoughts that come and go; it’s common to have days where you feel a little more down than usual; many people have quirks and aspects of their personalities that don’t need to be pathologized. However, what matters is how much of one’s life is being consumed by these things or to what extent these symptoms are preventing someone from living a meaningful life.
The other thing that my interaction with my friend had me thinking about was her comment regarding how everyone had been suggesting counseling for her. This can be a sensitive topic to bring up with friends and other loved ones because it’s easy to hear, “you think something is wrong with me.” One practical way to address this issue includes asking questions rather than telling someone what they need: “I can’t imagine how hard that would be to go through. Have you thought about processing that with a counselor?” Other times, the recommendation to go to counseling comes from a need to set a boundary. “I am not qualified to help you with what you are going through, but I want you to feel like you have the support you need. Do you think it would be helpful to talk to a counselor?”
Ultimately, counseling is most effective when someone has appropriate expectations of what counseling is and is not, and when someone is able to choose counseling for themselves. Don’t expect a quick fix—or even to be fixed at all and don’t expect to be judged or told what to do. You’ll need to step into counseling with courage, knowing that you will have to talk about hard things. Expect to find that there will be freedom and healing in having someone safe to talk to about the deepest, most buried, painful parts of your heart. Expect the unhealthy patterns to come to light, and for the messy parts of life to slowly become untangled. It’s in that unraveling and re-weaving together—your thoughts, your feelings, your experiences—when the symptoms start to fade away, and life begins to start feeling a little more hopeful again.
About the Author
Melissa Molyneux, MSW, LISW
Therapist
Melissa has a Master of Social Work degree from Arizona State University. Her background is working with adolescents, specifically with mental health and behavioral concerns. Her professional interest is using a strengths-based approach, incorporating art, nature, and other hands-on activities to process the challenges of life.